Viva Murillo!
For all commissioners who are about to undertake the most thankless tasks in the world of statistical football games, I offer this affirmation statement. Say it before the draft, say it during the season and say it in front of a mirror and shout “Doggone it ... people like me!”
* I am a fantasy football commissioner. It is my job to oversee league operations to the best of my ability. I don’t expect much (if anything) to do this job. I enjoy the league, the camaraderie and the competition. I do it because I want to do it.
* I am not on trial. It is not my responsibility to constantly “prove” my objectivity to every owner who whines about a decision they don’t like. I am not required to submit proof of everything I do like a felon who’s meeting with his parole officer. If there’s a paper trail, great. But if there isn’t, I will not accept the assumption that I’m lying.
* I am not required to sabotage my own team. If I want to make a lopsided trade offer, I can. If I want to grab a guy off the waiver wire, I can. I do not have to conform to a special standard to rid myself of the “appearance” of impropriety. I will not act improper in the first place, and I do not have to take extra steps to make sure everyone sees how fair I am, hurting my own team in the process. I deserve the same assumption of ethical behavior as everyone else, and I deserve the ability to have fun just like every other owner.
* I am not a pack mule waiting to be burdened with every issue related to the league. I am not the only one who has a responsibility to see that things run smoothly. A fantasy league is like a community crime watch program. Everyone needs to do their part and contribute.
* I am not a beggar. It is not my job to constantly plead with owners for the money they’re supposed to pay. If they don’t pay, they go away, and other owners should encourage each other to pay on time.
* I am not a customer service representative who is paid to listen to angry customers. I will not be harassed, bullied, insulted or degraded by unhappy owners. I will be treated like the friend that I am; not the servant some owners might want me to be.
* I am not the only voice of reason. I expect that my decisions, which are well thought out and made in the interest of fairness, will be supported by the league. I don’t have the luxury of being Switzerland in league disputes, and I expect that fellow owners will openly lend voices of support in difficult times.
* Finally, I am not a masochist. If another commissioner in another league bends over backwards to hurt his own team, runs around like a collection agency, begs for any scrap of support, responds to degrading comments with “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” and considers himself unworthy of basic respect and assumptions of honesty, I pity him. That’s not me, that’s not my job and that’s not the way this league will operate.
Of course, if you abuse the power you have, all bets are off -- literally. Nobody should be in a league with a shady commissioner. But nobody should assume a commissioner is shady, and the good ones don’t have to constantly prove how great they are. The commissioner is a full-fledged member of the league, and has the right to try and win, just like everyone else. Treat him like every other owner and help him keep things in order, and you’ll automatically have a better league than 90 percent of your friends.
Michael Murillo never imagined Stuart Smalley as a U.S. Senator, but now that Al Franken is running in Minnesota, anything’s possible. You can reach him at vivamurillo@hotmail.com.
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