The last meaningful football game is on Sunday, and nobody wants you to forget it.
Not like you could really forget this game, of course. It's the end of the season, the last two teams left standing, an old dynasty versus what could be a new one. Aside from last year's blowout, we've had some pretty competitive Super Bowls in recent years. You can't miss it, right? It's an all-day event.
But that's kind of the problem. The Super Bowl is such a spectacle, you could almost forget there's a game in there. It's supposed to start at 6:30 p.m. on Sunday. Allegedly, anyway. Who knows when the ball actually gets put in play. Probably after the special (longer) team introductions and the special (longer) coin toss. In any case, NBC has coverage planned for you beginning at noon.
Yes, noon. That's six and a half hours of...what? Pre-game analysis? Animals predicting the final score? An in-depth interview with a backup tight end's grandmother? More Deflate-Gate? News about Josh Gordon that surprises absolutely no one? No, thanks.
Then there's the game itself, or rather the time it's supposed to be on. NBC is getting a record $4.5 million for a 30-second commercial. You think regular games have a lot of TV timeouts? Wait until you see how many they pack in this weekend. The commercials themselves have become such a big deal, they get scrutinized almost as much as the players.
And I don't know what to say about Katy Perry. No offense to her fans, but I'm not exactly angling for a good position on the couch to catch her performance. But she has millions of supporters, and many of them will also be watching.
And yes, there's also a football game. I know I sound like the indie-band snob who complains when his favorite group makes it big, but people who aren't real fans tend to crowd the television on Super Bowl Sunday. They don't necessarily care about the game, and the NFL doesn't seem to care if they care. The league has the country's attention that night, and they're making sure there's something for everyone. Everyone except their hard-core fan base, I think.
Okay, enough whining. I accept what the game has become, but I don't have to be a part of the hype. I'm not watching one minute of pre-game drivel. Before the game you'll find me watching the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. For years now, it's been the only television I watch before the game. This year I'm rooting for Aria, a lab mix, and Keno, a scruffy-looking terrier mix.
When that's over I'll sit down with my sheet of squares (a Super Bowl tradition), my phone to check stats (so I can see how my playoff fantasy team is doing) and a huge plate of food. I'll have just enough time to be sociable for a few minutes (I'm not a complete ogre) before the game starts.
But I don't obsess over the commercials. At halftime I'm out of my seat. And when the game is over I won't spend much time watching post-game whatever on multiple stations. I admit I like watching the losing locker room interviews, though. There's something macabre but entertaining about it. So I'll catch some of that. Otherwise, the party's over.
I'm not telling you to do it differently, by the way. Watch NBC try to fill hours of air time before the game. Catch the halftime show and judge it against Prince's set from a few years back (my personal favorite). Rate each commercial after it airs. Enjoy the spectacle, the pomp and circumstance and all the sizzle the NFL has set up for us.
Just make sure you find the steak, too. Even if your favorite team isn't playing, it could be a really good game. Enjoy it.
Do you have any Super Bowl traditions to keep the experience authentic? Or do you enjoy the carnival-like atmosphere as an entertaining change of pace at the end of the season? Share your thoughts below.