There are a lot of columns out these days about having The Perfect Draft -- what round to get your quarterback or tight end depending on what spot you're drafting in or whatnot. Easy to say, but who knows how the other 11 people will draft. I do, however, have some ideas as to my perfect draft, which I'll share with you now.

Everyone shows up. There's no bigger pain in the ass in a draft than when somebody fails to attend. Computer problems! Picking up my kids! How do I log in? It's the 21st century. Everyone knows when the draft is going to be for days or weeks ahead of time, and everyone has access to the Internet. Spend the 10 minutes making sure you can find your way there in advance and then show up on time.

People make their picks in a reasonable amount of time. The mere fact that there's a 90-second clock doesn't mean you need to use all of those seconds. If you're really torn on someone and not sure what to do, fine. But when you're a couple of picks away from your choice, you can be spending that time deciding who you'll take if such and such is or isn't there. My favorite is when people are posting in chat when they're actually on the clock. Pick somebody! (OK, I might need a little more coffee.)

Nobody drafts other people's handcuffs. There are handcuffs, and there are handcuffs. If I draft Jamaal Charles, OK, I do not have the right to expect a talented backup like Knile Davis to be there in the last round. Jeremy Hill and Giovani Bernard, OK, understood. But if I draft Marshawn Lynch, isn't it reasonable to think nobody will draft Robert Turbin in the middle rounds? Matt Forte and Jeremy Langford? To be honest I don't even like drafting my own handcuffs so this seldom bothers me, but on principle I tend to avoid drafting other people's handcuffs when they're low-value nobodies. I don't know. It just feels wrong to me.

Players don't get injured during the draft. It can be tough to find a date that works for everyone. See previous column. So I've scheduled mine for Thursday, September 3rd, and that happens to be the day that every team is playing its final exhibition game. Unfortunate, but I figured, nobody of consequence actually plays in that final exhibition game, right? The game which will one day soon be eliminated so they can tack extra games onto the regular-season schedule? I just saw that the Giants will be playing some starters in that game. Well, if I see Odell Beckham Jr. out there turned into a pretzel in a trainwreck style pile-up, after he's already been selected in the first dozen picks, it will not be a Perfect Draft.

Second quarterbacks don't get taken too early. Once every team has a quarterback, I should be allowed a healthy number of rounds to pass by before I need to draft my No. 2. The memory that stays with me is of the draft years ago where some goofball drafted elite quarterbacks in the first two rounds, under the philosophy that he'd be able to trade one of them away. Here's a tip genius, the player you'll end up trading him for will undoubtedly be somebody who was on the board when you foolishly drafted that second quarterback. I guess I understand that if you count on Sam Bradford as your starter you might want to reach for a backup fairly early. But if you draft Aaron Rodgers in the first round, please don't draft Philip Rivers in the sixth. Let's everyone gobble up running backs and wide receivers in these rounds and get those backup QBs later.

My dog doesn't attack or try to hump anyone during the draft. I think this one is self-explanatory.

WR, RB, RB, QB, WR, WR, RB, TE, WR, RB, QB, D/ST, WR, WR, RB, PK.

Now, draft on!